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                    首頁 > 故事號 > 是不是不管我多努力,你都不會滿意

                  是不是不管我多努力,你都不會滿意

                  作者:NICE殿下 發布時間:2019-07-01

                  新年第一天,練小姐在朋友圈po了一張新居的照片。

                  練小姐在深圳工作,自己奮斗買了套小公寓,沒用父母一分錢。裝修也自己上,跟包工頭砍價,自己捋袖子刷墻,標準女漢子,一點不嬌氣。

                  塵埃落定,大家都替她高興,紛紛留言祝福。

                  她也很開心,挨個回復感謝我們。

                  就在這喜氣洋洋的時候,她媽媽發了一句評論,氣氛頓時降到冰點。

                  練媽媽說:“一平米幾萬塊,還那么小,神經病才買這種房子。”

                  好些朋友都看到了這條。

                  有陣子長輩們流行加微信,練媽媽剛學會用手機,興致高昂,見面就要加人,把我們幾個都加了。

                  練小姐很快回復:“會增值的啦。”

                  “你怎么知道會增,誰跟你保證?!”

                  沒等大家反應過來,練媽媽又發了一條:“那個布團就是你說的日本沙發?怎么那么丑啊。”

                  她說的是懶人沙發。說真的,我愛死那個沙發了,躺下以后你得用挖掘機才能把我挖出來。

                  于是我沒忍住,回復練媽媽:“阿姨你不知道,那個沙發很舒服噠!”

                  沒想到練媽媽直接嗆回來:“看不出來,我只能說你們眼光太差了。”

                  這話把我給噎的。

                  練小姐也很不好意思,趕緊私聊我:“對不起,她就那樣,你別往心里去。”

                  我當然只能說嗯嗯沒事。

                  其實練媽媽人不錯。熱心,會給我們寄土特產。但我們都很怕跟她說話,因為她說話真的很難聽。

                  有次我出差重慶,po了張紅油火鍋圖到朋友圈。練媽媽回了我一條:“地溝油,垃圾食品。”  

                  有一次我發閨蜜合照。她說:“都沒男朋友吧,我要是你們急都急死了,哪有心情玩。” 

                  還有N次……

                  我相信她并無惡意,她可能確實擔心我們的感情狀況,確實覺得那些食品不夠健康,但是您就不能好好說話嗎阿姨!

                  我不知道你是不是也有這樣的感受,那就是我們的父母我們的上一代,他們說話非常難聽,并且非常喜歡貶低你的一切。

                  你考了好成績,興高采烈,他們嗤了一聲說,隔壁誰誰考得更好。

                  你費盡心思準備了過年禮物,他們說這破玩意有什么用,人家誰誰家小孩公務員鐵飯碗你要有人家一半我多省心。

                  你在人才市場擠破頭找到一份工作,滿心歡喜打電話回家,他們漫不經心說哦。

                  你在工作上受了委屈,想傾訴,他們剛聽了個開頭就先數落:“你就是傻,活該,人家不踩你這種蠢貨踩誰?”

                  你希望得到一點鼓勵、支持,哪怕只是分享喜悅后,他們能給你一個點頭一個微笑,可你得到的總是潑冷水,冷嘲熱諷和沒來由的貶低。

                  好像不管你做什么,不管你多努力,他們都不高興、不滿意。

                  有一位男性長輩曾經信誓旦旦跟我說做父母,就應該這樣。他女兒是博士。“要不是我這么嚴格,她能有今天?”他得意洋洋宣稱。可他女兒自從上大學后就很少回家。

                  “我跟那個人無話可說。”她說。那個人是她爸。

                  我能理解她為什么這么說。春節,親戚來串門,夸博士。

                  她爸冷笑一聲:“優秀?我是看不出來。一個死讀書的料,叫她討好導師爭取留校都做不到。死腦筋,以后看她怎么辦。”

                  你們說,她跟他能有話可說嗎?

                  博士曾經推薦張愛玲的《金鎖記》給我看,問我,像不像。

                  她說她見過很多中國式的父母,都像曹七巧。

                  曹七巧是一個可憐的女人,一輩子不懂愛是什么,也沒有被人愛過。但她又是一個無比可恨的人。她用最惡毒、刻薄的語言辱罵自己的女兒長安,罵完又伸手摩挲她的臉,苦口婆心:“我這是為了你好。”

                  這就是曹七巧,一個中國式的扭曲的母親。

                  豆瓣有一個小組叫父母皆禍害,里面的帖子觸目驚心。很多人都不明白,為什么自己的父母要這樣奚落、打壓自己?為什么動不動就要惡語相向,極盡羞辱之能事?他們到底想要什么,到底要怎么做他們才會滿意?

                  答案是沒有答案。我很遺憾地說。

                  因為他們只是凡人。

                  不是所有人都會因為做了父母而瞬間變得強大、美好。他們依然是不盡完美的他們,有終其一生都無法克服的缺點,不會因為有了你,就發生翻天覆地的改變。他們當中有很多人,根本沒有做好為人父母的準備。他們根本不懂得要如何愛你,保護你,陪伴你成長。所以你向一個這樣的大人要愛,要呵護,要陪伴,豈非緣木求魚?

                  好消息是,我所認識的每一個這樣痛苦長大的小孩,長大都格外強大而又不失柔軟。而且他們往往特別獨立,就像開篇說的練小姐。

                  你要知道你昨天、今天所有的努力,不是為了讓他們滿意。而是為了你自己,為了有一天,當你也有了孩子的時候,不會成為像他們那樣的父母。

                  你可能永遠都沒有辦法改變他們,也沒有辦法讓他們滿意。

                  但是不要怕,不要緊。

                  你可以改變從你開始的,所有一切。


                  摘自《故事會》藍版2016年第6期



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